CRUSHES ONLINE

Who hasn't ever fall for somebody they met online? You never got that feeling of reading an old convo and picturing yourself as for know that person? or... Having some naughty thoughts?

Yep...I got all that... A LOT..Until...I grew up through it, and I kind of learned how to handle it. Every expression, every picture, every time that I'd cam, I'd knew already what to say, how to act , what to do or not, depending on the person and what I wanted from them...I started...playing a little bit online.

I have no Idea of what movie was...

Ok so this is the situation I honestly need some one to talk with, i dont know if this ever happened to you but is pretty akwarde and understanding whwat u dont need to do is pretty wrong to believe that im not completly wrong with what im doing wrong or not. look my father and mother split since along time ago and is pretty sad since that moment that im in the middle of both , not much becuz of my dad but instead of my mother that it´s the principal gulty on this.is not like shes the only one who had mistalkes but shes the one  that has all this problems with herself and im here completly . I think that a movie that is available to make u feel this things this weird feelings of changing for better, is a great and awesome movie, look titanic didnt made u feel like wanting to help all that ppl and feeling miserable.

Love Poem (xD naaah really)

I was in Love

In Love I was

I met this Guy

he was so Hot

He claimed attention

And so Did I

He seemed not interested

Put Out my guns

Took Off my Shirt

Took Off my Bra

I still remember

He was like...

WHAAAT?!

Dont read it, is not fun.. i mean it

Have you ever feel like no one understand what you say?

Like you are so lonely

Is not about people around, or bout physical things.

You  feel like attraped in ur own head

But is not like a jail you see it more like a shoulder

Its hard u know, when ppl should understand u and help u is against u.

Its terrible. I hate it, the feelin o this is terrible is like a dying sensation

How can u freakingly been good with anybody else? When u hate ur self!

How fu**k can u? U CANT! Its impossible

Sometimes I feel my only friend is God, heve been like my  imaginarious friend,

I cant see him, I cant touch him, I cant hear him, but I can can feel it.

His joy and love fulls me, I love him so much cuz hes like my only secure support, is the only rihght thing in my life , the only one who  will be there with me.

I love him so much, and I hope he will forgive me for what im going to do… I know this will hurt my mom but is necessary.

Life is out there waitin for me, well I think im waittin for life. But this way of being stuck sucks

My liberty is constantly compromised, is always valancing from one to other side

It's hard to be like this really, I thought I had it in control that I finally had find the way to sobrellevar this situation but I didn’t, im not Houdini, or einstine or God! Im none of theme im not  a genius or perfect , an angel, im a stupid human with all  the stupidness a human can have, im a stupid little girl, tryin to be different and big, I thought I was mature well im not im an idiot I just fake to the people so can live my life , but I cant keep livin my life like this if im not happy with my self. I really need to love me , respect me, get me, and help me, HOPEFULLY God would help me with that but I need first to try my self.

My mother, family and friends deserv something better .

I don’t want to have a boyfriend, husband, conyuge, or whatever I could have in a future if this situation keeps like this, I cant, I WONT, I don’t want to, is not fare to anyone.

 My hope is always shakin but I hope this time when that happens bein strong enough to say enough! stop! and try to make it different Move Forward not back, even if anyones try to bring me down.

 I thought that the problem were the people around me, maybe I wasn’t at all wrong, but I cant say neither that I was completely right cuz Im a problem indeed and a BIG ONE….ufff ya ni se quien soy.

STOP CALLING ME LIKE THAT!!!!

My S****d Cousin calls me Fat, everytime he can he do it, ok im not SUUUUPER OVER WEIGHT I was 50kg and now Im 54kg ive been workin on those 4 kg, i look a biit really just a bit over weight is not like im obesa or anythin but my cousin always calls me fat and I know is stupid and i shouldnt care but he do it very often ! and its pissin me off, i just want to PUNCHED Him right in the face!! ¬¬ but he escapes..... I dont know why he is like that with me??? hes very mean, really, it's hurtful the most of times, I get angry but hurt too, ..... i feel like a fail evrery time he say it cuz really those freakin 8 pounds cost , ive been makin diet , exercisses, but it cost a bitt u know, and i know ill get there anytime soon, but till that happens he keeps callin me fat , and indeed he is makin DIET too!!

 i mean come one, how stupid he is, and yes hes homo, maybe theres where he gets his bitch side. I dont know what to do, he always remindes me!!! my fatness, and my other cousin make jokes about me too, I live with 11 more people besides me so with me we are 12 living in a house and belive me if it sounds not easy is becuz its not easy, but thats another topic the thing here  is that that bitch!!is a fuckin bullyng seriously , as we say, echo el loco, he is a buller, bullyn, bullying or what ever

 i already lived all this discrimination thing when i was kid, and now again!!??? o Lord.. is ridiculous. Is not like i can go to my "home" and forget it, cuz this is not a home is a jail, No he lives here!!! and not only the fat thing, have u ever have pinous??? ! have you?? in your life? if u are older than 13 u probably at some point of ur life u had some pins, well....he seems dont get that!!!! when some of those things apears on my face he is like :O seeeeee u have .... and im like I KNOW IM NOT BLINDE!!, ....I know how u must been feeling, this is a stupid little girl with the same goffy problems all kids have, fightin with a familiar , complanin about natural things, or that im exagereitin, but Im NOT! i wish i was, havin a stupid cousin like him anoying me alll!! the day!!  is horrible, and if u dont have some one that anoyes you 18 hours at day than u wont understand a single word of what I've just said...

My House is a Hell

-.- . Im not over reacting, Im not freakin playing around or anything, seriously talkin. my house is a hell. i live with 11 people in here and with me we are 12, and this is not like the movie " Cheaper by the dozen" i dont have a father livin in here and my mother dont have enough money for all this people, we are poor, and u might be askin oh well she has a blog so must have a computer, yes I do have one, my mother bought me as a gift in my 15 birthday wich is very important here in venezuela. Even when I live in very bad conditions, my mom get into more debts and buy the necessary (she didnt get into a debt for the laptop). BUT IT SUCKS IN HERE. One bathroom, 12 butts, an older sadistic cousin of 18 years old that makes me feel very uncomfortable, i have another of 15 the one who calls me fat, a little sister of 11 she doesnt bothers me most of the time thanks of God, another younger brother who is autistic of 12 years old,3 younger cousins one girl and 2 boys 9 10 and 12 years old, my grondmother, my uncle, aunt and my mother. with me ..12 . well Bassically we eat terrible food, carbs, carbs and more carbs, the diet sucks. as we are so poor we have to eat rice, spagetti, floor, and corn floor becuz is the cheapest to buy also chiken cuz is the cheaper two, we never eat fish or stuf like fruits or yogurt or those things even cereal , is not  enoug for people here, and almost all nights at month my aunt buy bread cuz too is cheap and fulls more bellys.... the health in my family is going DOOWWWWWN becuz of this, my grondmother I'm sure is going to die soon becuz of all the freakin sugar she eats, my mother dont have will power, and eats in the night things she shouldnt, Ive been eatin a biiiit right becuz' i dont wanna get there,

my aunt is gettin fat too this is a very bad bad bad situation.....

My Crush with Someone

I'M NOT TALKIN ABOUT MY BEAUTIFUL ZACHARY DAVID ALEXANDER EFRON :D

I LOVE HIM!!!HE'S SO PERFECT,HONESTLY THE PERFECT MAN FOR ME<3but this is not about him

Back Again with my crush, k so...I know "this guy"since a very long time ago. I didn't like him when we first met, he was just like: "whatever" to me, I honestly felt NOTHING until... 

-.- some stupid girls invented a rumor...

The rumor was simply... ridiculous and it pissed me off. 

So this guy who wasn't a friend or anything else of me but still kept talking to me pretty nicely and a regular person would, stopped doing it after that rumor came out. 

I didn't know about that rumor then, I just kept with my life as always.

So I didnt EVEN noticed the weird behaviour until a friend told me about the rumor, then everything fell into place.

He used to get awkarde around me sometimes, but I thought it was just me and that it wasnt big deal 

When I realized the situation, I didn't care much about it, I just noticed how fixed the behavior of him , and of everybody else, but as i told you I DIDN'T CARE until... the same stupid girls that made up all of this, started pissin me of!...Hoes... -.-

And they did it in a VERY "sutil" way.

The point is that i started liking this guy, becuz of theme of this pshyco girls, but i NEVER, admited in public or to anyone. sooo since that fake rumor started, i started liking the guy!! that i didnt like!

It was like a fucking INCEPTION theory movie shit xD

And has been 4 years now, and I really been tryin to find reassons why I SHOULDNT like him and i found  uffff millionssss but then, i dont know i see him, or he talk to me and im like...crushed again, it sucks cuz, we actually arent any good friends or anythin is just someone I know for very long time but we arent that close

We've joked, laughed , but nothin serious just randomly comments and stuff like that, but every time I see him again at any event in common, I fall again, and it sucks!!! cuz i dont want to!!!, the worst is that hes not even my type!! for me is kind of ugly, we arent compatible but God something in his eyes kills me! and :(

I just wanna cry when i think about it, is not fair, I LIKE ZAC EFRON WAAAY MUCH , but in a different way, what i feel and i mean it, since im not a corny person or anythin, but what I feel when I look at his eyes is like heaven my heart starts racing and i get some nervous...

He has some ego I hate, I really hate guys with big egos ,cocky but again those eyes, that look!! kills me. He is a gentleman most of the time but he have changed some, he's more.. first: hot now, and 2 (proportionally to that) cocky.

So I dont know why I even like him!!!! we are so different !! I just dont get it I like him I know, but Im super sure that he doesn't like me, he's not even a bitt attracted to me I'M SURE, im not super ugly or anythin but im just not gorgeous you know well not for his eyes. and if I were, we are sooo different, apart but the atracttion I feel for him is NOT NORMAL what can I do??? My lord help me cuz' I cant keep like this...